Some books invite guilt into my room as I do my best to read them.
Guilt grows bigger page after page of not seeing what others saw in them. Not understanding what needed to be understood. Not being swayed by the message or the character. The moment of awkward realization looms in as well. I will meet the people which recommended me this “masterpiece”. They will ask questions (interrogate me with endless questions that will make me look like a fool or public enemy no 1).
For me such books resemble the distant relatives. When you sit with these relatives there is nothing to talk about. There is no point of entry. There is only stare and silence. Tastes differ they say. I am not sure about it. Tastes are the byproducts of our guilt. So many people do certain things just because they are “recommended” to be done. They do it but they are not into it. And this adds up to the taste culture.
Yes, there are brave people who instantly put the books aside. They stop pretending to resonate with what is written. They go to the next read. But some prominent Stoics would argue with this act. Seneca would say that keep on reading because this torture is as real as life itself. Do it until the end because responsibility is a grace. But I am not sure if Seneca would understand how badly written these books are at times.
Responsibility is a grace and those who wrote them were surely not in disposition of such grace. I resume with my guilt of reading. I read books that talk to me. Authors of such stories sit next to me with their story and they share things the way it would naturally be shared.
I learn from such authors. I write just like they do. Chatting with my reader. Exposing my heart. Showing responsibility by making sentences much simpler. I feel these readers and I know the guilt of reading when the book that does not click.
I prefer the other type of guilt. Guilt of enjoying the book too much. Almost to a point where you know that author will not deliver for this long. Or enjoying reading so much that you rarely share the read with others. Because they will not understand. Because this read and this part is so personal. Guilt should be universal but reading should be personal.
